I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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