This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
