if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize