They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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