Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
