I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
