i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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