I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
