i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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