How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
