I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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