I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
