Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
