Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
