Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
