I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
