If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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