i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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