i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize