I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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