i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
