You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
