Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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