I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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