woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
