i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
