Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
