i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
