I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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