if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
