hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
