i just had sex bonerless
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
