haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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