he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
