Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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