So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
