Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
