Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
