Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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