He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
