I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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