peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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