everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
