My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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