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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
