i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did i walk over a car last night?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
