This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
