pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
