I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
