where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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