I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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