i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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