I heard we made out
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
