I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
