I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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