i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
