3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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