take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The Olympian is in my bed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
