I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
