She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
