**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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