i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
