just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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