Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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